don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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