people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
