Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
