no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
