Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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