my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
