you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
