Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
