You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
