i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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