wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can vaginas get frostbite?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
