Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
