can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
