We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
