how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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