Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
