im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
