i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
