someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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