It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
