Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
