You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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