She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
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