$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
