Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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