Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
