He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
