Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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