just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
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i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
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We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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