Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
