I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
