Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
