If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
meet me or not, i'm out of control
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You dont lie about slip and slides
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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