I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
