i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
