I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
