I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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