You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
