dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
