Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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