WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
