Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
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we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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