My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
