Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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