You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize