did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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