Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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