im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
