Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
