He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We talked him into tasing himself.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
