p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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