i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
