party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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