I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
