my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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