This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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