If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
