clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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