I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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