Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
