So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
