Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So here I am, sexting at work.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
