I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize