I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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