OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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