i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
