:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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