so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
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Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i drank out of a bidet.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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