One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
