OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
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