i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
