I accidentally had phone sex last night
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
