I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
