she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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