I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
