he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
