My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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