Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
