I CAN MOONWALK!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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