How'd it feel making her break her religion?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
